The Direst of Circumstances
by Snboarder592
Summary: Story is being totally revamped from my original plot. This takes place at the very end of and immediately following 3XK. Caskett
1. 3XK

**I do not own ANYTHING**

Inviting.

Clear.

Cerulean.

The blue, enticing plasma lay right in front of him. It swirled in a highly intriguing mix of bright blue, and shining reflections of light. The lights inside of it cast the blue glow of the water on everything around it. It called to him.

"_Come, child. Come to my embrace. I can wash away your worries. I can cleanse your mind. I can wipe your memories clean."_

"_I can drown your pain."_

Richard Rogers stared at the pool for what felt like hours. Could it really be that simple?

He looked back, all the officers were still at the motel, checking the room, conversing, even Beckette was over there tending to Ryan.

He could slip in now, and no one would know. The bubbles would be barely noticeable among the din that was going on behind him. He contemplated what just happened, what he now lived with. What he would do if he ever lived to see the next victim shown on the news.

He set a hand on his knee in an attempt to stand up.

He looked back to the pool, transfixed.

Cerulean.

Clear.

Inviting.

"Here you go."

Castle almost jumped when the detective came and offered him a warm cup of coffee.

"Thanks."

They sat there in what felt like an almost eternal silence. He knew this detective. God, did he know Katherine Beckette. He looked at her and saw so many things in her eyes she would never let through. Concern, worry, but most prominently, curiosity. He knew she didn't yet understand, but he'd let her ask if she wanted.

"So tell me something, Castle. Why did he let you live?"

Castle knew she'd ask, so he wasn't offended at the seeming disinterest in his well being

"To punish me. Make me pay for ruining his plan. And now he's going to kill again, all because I couldn't stop him."

Kate saw the pain, the emotion in his eyes. She wasn't use to this. Castle wasn't down and hurt, he was always the happy go lucky guy. Why did he have to suffer the same guilts and responsibilities she carried since that day?

"I feel so..."

Castle trailed off, the great author at a loss for words. He just looked back at the pool.

Clear.

Cerulean.

Inviting.

"I know the feeling."

The water beckoned him further. He almost felt himself tipping forward.

Clear.

Cerulean.

Inviting.

Warmth.

Rick suddenly became aware of a warmth on is knee. He looked down in disbelief as he saw Kate gently slide her hand onto his knee. He looked into her eyes. He saw the pain, the regret, the questioning all surface. He saw her eyeing the pool as well.

His hand reached down, almost against his will, and clasped hers tightly

"I know you do." He spoke softly.

They sat there with him running his fingers over her knuckles for the better part of ten minutes. Ryan came over to check with his fellow hostage. He came upon them holding hands. Tonight, he told himself, I won't make a crack about this.

"Hey Castle, you doing ok, buddy? Psychiatrist checked me out and said I should be fine but he said you looked like you were gonna kill yourself! I told him to shove off. Honestly. You? kill yourself?"

Castle looked up at Ryan and said to him "I know, right? I'm a writer, I'd go out with MUCH more style than just drowning myself. I'd do it naked, shoot myself, AND hang myself, so the M.E. would be baffled at how I died."

Ryan laughed, wished him a goodnight, said he'd see him soon, and walked away

Katherine looked at him and rolled her eyes. Good, same old Castle. But she saw it. The way he was looking at the pool, almost leaning towards it, he felt the same way. He wanted the water to wash away the fears, clear away the memory. Drown the pain. Not unlike the bottle, to her. She wanted to wash out the fear in her stomach, blur the memory from her mind. Drown her pain into oblivion. She let her eyes cloud for a minute before she turned back to Castle.

"Castle, I know this has been very difficult. I want you to know that regardless of what happens, I'm here for you; in whatever capacity you want me."

Castle looked at her, touched at her words.

"Thank you, Kate, it means a lot to know that. It helps to know someone knows what I'm going through."

Kate smiled at him and looked at her phone. She had to be at the precinct tomorrow morning.

"I'm sorry to do this Castle, but I still have to be into work tomorrow. I'm going to head back and catch some sleep before then. You should go soon too."

Castle looked at her. The very last thing he wanted her to do was leave. But he really should go see his mother and Alexis.

"Ok, I guess."

He stared back at the pool, trying to keep back the powerful urge to make everything go away.

Kate looked at him with a serious look.

"Castle, I know what that look is. Don't think I haven't been there. Its not the answer and you know it. Think about Martha, and Alexis. Think about the guys. Think about ME."

He looked at her, the use of "the guys" and "ME" separately not being lost on him.

Kate eyed him with a saddened expression.

"Thats it, I'm taking you then."

Castle made no objection as he was lead, by the hand, to Beckette's car.

It was a long, quiet ride back to his apartment. He looked at her pleadingly.

"Please, come in for a minute, just see everyone."

Kate looked at him, not able to say no to his distraught expression.

"Ok, but I can only stay for a few minutes."

Castle slightly smiled, and thanked her. He got out, and she went by his side. She put her hand on his mid back and gave it a little rub. Together, they ascended the stairs to his apartment.

Upon the door opening, Martha and Alexis rushed to Castle and gave him breath-stealing bear hugs.

"Daddy, I'm so glad you're ok! Gram and I were so worried! Don't you ever do that to us again, or so help me GOD I'm going to go nuts!"

Castle gave his bleary-eyed daughter a weak smile and returned her hug.

"Don't worry sport, you won't get rid of me that easily."

His mother just came and gave him one of her stronger hugs, which was still fairly dainty. She looked at him with tears running down her face as well.

"Richard, I know you just used this line because you knew I'd think something's wrong, but in spite of any and everything that has happened in our lives, I just want you to know that I love you. And that BOTH Alexis and I will strangle you if anything happens.

Both of the women, as soon as they saw her, went and hugged Kate.

"Thank you, Detective Beckette. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't found him."

Alexis released the detective. She looked at the young woman before her, and her grandmother, so distraught over Castle. It helped her, more than ever, know that Richard Castle, though a pain in the ass, is a man that is loved, and is very much worth loving.

She'd deal with THIS pandora's box of emotions once she was home.

"Ok, Castle, take it easy. I'll see you soon at the precinct. My cell's always on if you need to talk. On or off duty."

Kate smiled when he smiled at her.

"Thanks, detective, that means a lot. I know you have to go get some sleep, so I won't keep you."

Beckette looked at him, concern and care reflecting in her eyes. She went right up to Castle and wrapped her arms around his neck. She pulled his body close to hers, and tried to transfer her care and concern from her body to his. Castle responded by wrapping his arms around her waste. They held the embrace for just about a minute.

"Castle, don't do anything stupid. I can't lose you."

Castle nodded, and released her.

"now go, off to bed with you, I'll see you soon."

Kate obeyed, and left to go home.

Castle watched her leave out the window, knowing that things were starting to change.

And that gave him hope.


	2. Sucker Punch

**Ok so some people will hate what I'm about to do. I'm going to change the Castle Timeline so that the episode "Suckerpunch" where Beckette kills Rathborne (season 2) comes AFTER 3XK (season 3) So BEAR WITH ME PLEASE! It is my right as an author to twist as I see fit. The song, obviously, is Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap...if you haven't heard it, go to youtube or something and look it up.**

**Again, I own nothing**

The hope Castle felt just the day before, had all but faded in the bullpen that day.

She watched, as Kate desperately tried to keep up CPR on the dead Rick Coonan. Her frustration was evident as she pushed more and more. The longer he was on the floor, the more violent her thrusts. Two minutes in, she was ok. Three minutes in, there were cracking ribs. Five minutes in, you saw blood spill out of the wounds to the rhythm of her compressions.

At five minutes and fifteen seconds, Castle reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder.

Katherine Beckette broke down, in front of all her coworkers and friends at the precinct. She screamed to the ceiling, and sobbed openly. Castle looked at her, called her name. She looked at him and rubbed her brow with the back of her red, bloodstained hand.

She looked at him with utter desperation. She spoke with her nasally, crying voice.

"What do I do now, Castle? I've killed my mother's killer, but I don't know who had her killed. I don't know why, and it feels worse now that I know it was an ordered hit. I don't know if this was worth it."

She looked away from Castle and saw her gun. Castle's stomach sank as he saw the look in her eyes.

_Clear._

_Blue._

_Cerulean._

He saw her eyes linger on the gun. She looked . He screamed at her.

"KATE! NO!"

She snapped and looked up at him. Seeing the look in his eyes almost brought her to hysterics. She sobbed to him.

"Tell me what I need to do."

Castle reached out, and put a hand on her shoulder. He made her look straight at him.

"You need to come with me."

Castle looked to the chief with a glance that silently communicated that he was entrusting the chief to take over for the night. He gave Castle a curt nod and gesticulated out the door of the precinct.

Castle used his weight to bring Kate to her feet, and wrapped an arm around the small of her back as he guided her out of the bullpen. He brought them to his car, and took them back to his apartment.

Castle opened the door and ushered Beckette into the apartment. Alexis and Martha were sitting in the living room when the turned to welcome Castle home. Their faces dropped when they saw the puffy-eyed Kate along with him.

Castle briefly let go of Kate's hand, looking down to see her handprint in Coonan's blood on his hand. He watched as his mother enveloped Kate in a hug.

"There, there, Kate my darling. Things will be ok. If there's one thing I know from talking to Richard, its that you are a great detective. If you set your mind to it, you can find the people that hired this murderer. And I know my son, and your team, would be willing to go to any lengths necessary to bring them to justice."

Kate hugged Martha back hard and thanked her. Little Castle came up next and gave her another warm hug. She looked Kate dead in the eyes and spoke to her.

"Gram's right, you're the best there is. If you want to, everyone will help you find this bastard..."

Kate did a double-take as the young castle used a curse.

"...and you know me, Kate, you know I only use words like that if they're necessary. I'll even try to help as best I can. You have a house full of people that love you here, Kate. Don't ever forget that."

She gave Kate one last squeeze before Castle came back to her.

"She's right, you know."

Kate looked at Castle.

"About what, Castle?"

Castle took his hand in hers. He surveyed her expression for a second.

"That everyone in this house right now, loves you. And we're all ready to support you in whatever you do."

Kate looked at the three of them as tears burned at the back of her eyes. This was exactly what she needed at the moment. Well, almost exactly what she needed.

Castle made his way into the kitchen and opened the fridge. He looked around, and grabbed a glass out of his cabinet.

"Kate, can I interest you in something? Wine, maybe something a little harder? Or maybe some ice cream?"

Kate came over to the kitchen and looked over Castle's shoulder into the fridge. She saw he had moose tracks ice cream. She bit her lip and closed her eyes as she fought back a violent wave of emotion. It was her mother and her's favorite flavor. They had split countless sundaes over lost friends and bad dates. It was just what she needed right now. Against her better interests, she leaned into Castle's side.

"I'll have some of the ice cream, Castle. Thank you."

Castle looked down at Kate, and placed the glass on the counter. He wrapped her in a tight embrace, giving her one of his trademark Castle smiles.

"Go get comfy on the couch, I'll bring it to you."

Kate walked out into the living room. She was always struck with how big his apartment is. She walked out to the nice, comfy couch and laid across it a bit, opposite from Alexis.

Alexis was working on schoolwork, but looked over and put it down when Kate sat down. She sat next to Kate and took her into another hug. She picked up a remote and hit some buttons and a stereo system fired up somewhere.

She looked to Kate as the song started.

"Whenever something happens that I'm having a bad streak, I put this song on, and for some reason it really helps. Its called Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap."

She nestled her head into the crook of Kate's neck as the digital voice enveloped her.

_Where are we?_

_What the Hell,_

_Is Going on?_

_The dust has only just_

_Began to form_

_Crop Circles in the carpet_

_Sinking_

_Feeling._

Kate sat there, with Alexis wrapping her arm around her and her head in the dip of her neck. She fought back the tears that wanted to fall. There was something about his woman's voice that you could tell she'd been through so much. Each harmony told a story, so much so that no other instrument was needed. And with Alexis buried in her, she felt so warm, and safe. Everything was almost perfect.

_Spin me round_

_Again, and rub_

_My eyes_

_This can't, be happening_

_When Busy streets, a Mess with_

_People would stop to hold_

_Their Heads, Heavy._

_Hide and Seek_

_Trains and Sewing machines_

_All those Years_

_They were Here first._

Kate started stroking Alexis' hair, feeling the teen hum into her shoulder to the music. Kate let a solitary tear steal its way down her cheek.

_Oily marks appear on walls_

_Where pleasure moments_

_Hung before_

_The take over_

_The sweeping insenitivity _

_Of This_

_Still life_

Kate couldn't help it. Her and Alexis clutched tighter after that last harmony. It gripped both of them, and Alexis tore her head away for a second and Kate could see her tears as well. Another conversation for another time. She just pulled Alexis back a bit to have her return to their hug.

_Hide and Seek_

_Trains and Sewing Machines __**(oh you won't catch me around here)**_

_Blood and Tears (__**hearts)**_

_They were here First_

_Mmmm Whatcha say,_

_Mmm that you only meant well_

_Well of course you did_

_Mmm Whatcha say_

_Mmm that its all for the best?_

_Of course it is_

_Mmm whatcha say?_

_Mmm that its just what we need (__**you decided this**__)_

_Watcha say_

_Mmm what did she say?_

Castle walked out of the kitchen with a tray, on it were three bowls of ice cream and a jar of hot fudge. He was immediately concerned when his daughter and Kate were in such an emotional state. They parted from their embrace and they looked at each other differently. Something changed between them, but he couldn't quite tell.

"Ok, who's ready for ice cream?"

He handed out their bowls.

"Anything missing?"

Kate looked at the tray and her ice cream and asked "Got any carmel sauce?"

Castle looked at her and smiled again.

"Sure do, Kate, I'll be right back for it, your highness."

Alexis smiled and looked at Kate.

"He's crazy about you, you know. You've both had hard experiences recently, almost been killed sometimes. Maybe its time to let each other know?"

Kate looked simply at the acute teenager sitting before her and told her.

"Thats up to your Father to do. It won't be me."

Castle walked back at that moment.

"What'd I miss?"

Kate and Alexis similed

"Oh nothing Castle."

And with that, it was ice cream time.


	3. Breakfast

**Okay, here we go, still own nothing...**

A pint of ice cream and a few movies later, Kate looked at the clock. It was close to midnight, and in her mind she was going back to the precinct tomorrow morning to start looking for the person who hired Dick Coonan. She gently slid her ice cream bowl onto the table and gently tried to extract herself from Rick's sleepy embrace. Wait a second, Castle, not Rick. When do I call him Rick?

She almost yelped when his arm tightened at her efforts to extract herself. He mumbled at her, barely coherent.

"Mmmm, where d'you think you're goin?"

Kate smiled inwardly at his arm wrapped possessively around her stomach. She brushed the hair out of her face and turned to look at Castle.

"I have to go, I need to be fresh to start tracking Coonan's trail in a few hours."

Castle shook his head and clutched her a bit tighter.

"Kate, the captain told me not to let you back in that precinct for a few days. At least until they can clean the blood off of the floor."

Kate looked at him, a bit irritated that the chief was making decisions for her. But hey, she knew that she needed the time, even if she wouldn't admit it to herself.

"Ok then, but I'm still going to get some sleep in that case."

Castle mumbled in his daze.

"There's some pillows and blankets in the basket next to you."

Kate's chest got tight for a moment. Had he just asked her to stay the night? Did he realize what he had just asked?

Then her rational side kicked in. Just take it as it is. He's just offering to let you stay here because you're here already, you were comfortable, plus he's got a thing for you. Lets just see where I let it go.

"Castle, I need to lean over to get said pillows and blankets."

Castle mumbled something that sounded like "fine" and relinquished his grip on her momentarily. She leaned over and saw the woven, wicker basket which neatly stored all of his pillows and blankets. Had to be Alexis' or Martha's doing. She grabbed a big, beige, fuzzy fleece blanket and a few nice pillows.

She moved back against Castle and pulled his arm back around her. She put a pillow under her head, put one in Rick's face (which he promptly stuffed under his head without really waking up) and threw the blanket over the two of them.

His fingers lightly traced along her side for a few moments. Kate sighed in a comfort, and allowed herself to lean into him a little more. His arm tightened back to its original possessive grip. Within moments, his hand had stopped, and she heard his breathing take on a perfectly regular rhythm. She knew he was asleep, and it was only a few minutes before she succumbed to its sweet embrace herself.

That night, Kate didn't dream of murderers or loneliness. That night, Kate slept through the whole night without waking up to splash water on her face and cool herself down. She had everything she needed, and strangely enough, it didn't scare her one bit.

The next morning, Kate woke up to the enticing smells of a continental breakfast. She smelled the delicious smells of bacon and eggs, mixing with all sorts of fresh fruits, and the decadent smell of cinnamon. Of course, she also smelled the coffee that someone had put on.

She opened her eyes to find herself alone on the couch. She gently moved the blanket off herself, and stood up to stretch. She turned, surprised to see Castle in the kitchen making everything. She went and poured herself a cup of coffee from the pot that was set on the counter and just sat there watching Castle cook, oblivious to the fact that she was up.

She waited until he put all sharp and hot things out of his reach before she cleared her throat.

"Good morning, Castle."

She let out a little chuckle as he nearly jumped out of his skin. She was glad to have the foresight to not let him have something in his hand. He looked at her, awestruck for a moment.

She looked amazing, at least Castle thought so. Her hair was tousled from having slept on it, and she looked more beautiful than he remembered. To see her here, having just spent the night, looking at him with that smile, was more than he could ask for. He finally shook himself enough to have the sense to respond.

"Good morning Kate. You know, we just spent the night together, I think you can call me Rick now."

Kate looked at him and rolled her eyes. Typical.

"We didn't sleep together, Castle."

Castle looked at her and grinned.

"Oh but we did, we were both asleep at the same time. I'd call that sleeping together."

Kate chided him. Two could play this game.

"Alright then, Ricky, whatever you say. But you do not get to say that we 'slept together' at the precinct. Although we both know what happened, the phrase has certain connotations."

Castle just smiled and nodded as the timer went off on his stove. He reached into the oven and pulled out a fresh batch of home made cinnamon rolls. Kate's mouth watered in anticipation. She didn't realize how much the last two days had wiped her out, and she could use a good meal right about now. Castle called up to his daughter to come downstairs for breakfast.

"What do we have this morning dad? Smells really good! I have something I want to...Oh, hi Detective, I wasn't expecting you!"

Alexis greeted Kate with an excited smile and big eyes. She went over and gave the detective a hug, and went to help herself to breakfast.

Castle looked over with a smile.

"Well Kate, dig in!"

After a huge portion of everything on the table, Alexis excused herself to go meet her friend at the mall. She gave her father a hug and a kiss, and gave kate a quick squeeze before she left. Kate couldn't help feeling a connection to the young Castle, she was wise beyond her years. On her way out the door, she spoke to her father.

"Dad, do me a favor and don't be stupid, ok?"

Castle looked at his daughter, not understanding what she meant. He was confused when Kate giggled at her impromptu command. Wait, Kate giggled? Something's weird here. Alexis clicked the door closed. Kate turned to look at him.

"Yeah, Castle, you heard her. Don't be an idiot...i know its hard but I bet you can try."

Castle faked a hurt expression as best he could.

"Why does everyone think I'm stupid? Wait don't answer that."

Castle saw the gleam in Kate's eye when asked to explain. He decided to nip that right in the bud. His pride was hurt enough as it is.

"I'm sorry, Castle, sometimes you're too easy. Thank you for breakfast, though. It was great. I would like to go home so I can shower and change. That is, provided you don't have some sort of scheme to keep me trapped here for a few more hours?"

It was half joke, half plea. She wanted nothing more than to stay and spend time with him, but she couldn't do that. He needed to realize what was going on, and if he couldn't see it, then Kate wanted no part in it. Castle gave her a slightly puzzled look.

"No, I don't, I was however wondering if you skated? They have Rockefeller Center iced over right now, and I thought we could make the most of our few days off."

Kate looked at him and wondered if he knew she loved to skate. Her russian heritage really shone through in her love of all things winter-related. Maybe he had seen the pair of skates at her apartment?

"I'd love to Castle, just let me go and get showered and changed."

Castle went in for a hug before she left. He held her tight and whispered to her,

"So I'll pick you up around ten?"

Kate pulled slightly from the embrace, their arms still gently wrapped around each other. Thats when Kate got a devilish idea.

She leaned in and gave him a light kiss on the cheek.

"Its a date, Rick."

Castle stood there, dumbfounded, as she walked out the door.

"A date it is."

He said it to no one in particular, but he liked the way it sounded.


End file.
